CHAPTER ONE

Although Shirley Manson is renowned worldwide for her striking looks, alluring confidence and strong personality, her humble and rather sorid beginnings told a very different tale. the glamorous world of MTV awards and the international rock 'n' roll circus was all a far cry from her upbringing in the dingy, seedy back streets of Edinburgh, where the prevalence of intravenous drug culture and a rife HIV epidemic made her childhood years a difficult and indeed dangerous time. Mansons own family was quite ordinary, with a big band singer for a mother and a professor of animal genetics and poultry breeding father. Both were well paid and money was never short. Shirley's best friend however, was the child of a local prostitute and, despite her own cosy home life, Shirley found herself fascinated by the far more colorful events in that household, namely soft drugs, sleezy clothing and loose lifestyles.

   This jovail, albeit unsavory atmosphere at her friends house was also a welcome respite from the rather more traumatic events at school, where, like any young red head, Shirley found herself the butt of many school yard jokes. Her predicament was worsend by her unusually protruding eyes, which led to such names as 'bloodhound' and 'frog eyes' (she preferred to be called 'Charley'). Frequently the abuse turned violent and Shirley returned home bruised and bloodied, in tears. She was frequently reduced to vomiting from the pain and nervous anxiety, and as her teenage years approached, she withdrew and became an unhappy, sullen child.

   As so often happens, the quiet bullied girl began to lash out and rebel, becoming manipulative and very awkward. she took to wearing outrageous clothes, drinking, and hanging out with much older kids, returning home late and smelling of fags and booze. At one point, her mother was so exasperated with the problems that she had to undergo so called 'relaxation therapy', having already stopped work through losing her singing voice from the shattered nerves. Shirley later admitted she was a difficult child, telling I-Magazine "I was a horrible child. I was really vile. I was very bad tempered and sullen and not a very pleasant cute child. I was aggressive."

The outward signs of this aggression reflected a more subconscious, and growing, self-loathing. Confused by her unusual looks, frightened by the abuse at school and unsure of what she wanted to do with her life, Shirley started to edge towards genuine self abuse - she began cutting herself as a release from the anger, and constantly worried about her weight and looks. At one point she claimed that she was the ugliest child in the world. She later told Select magazine "I battle with self-loathing every single day of my life, not in such a destructive way as I did when I was younger - I thought I was this weird hideous little thing... I continue to struggle with that to this day. I feel vile, most of the time. Sometimes I look at photos and think 'wow, they've made me look really lovely' but in real life I don't think I'm the ugliest creature in the world - except when I'm depressed, but I deal with it.

Needles to say, with such distractions, her academic record was very poor, exacerbated by her intense dislike of the education system. Thus, when she reached the age of 16, she was never going to do anything other than leave immediately. This she did, taking up a menial job at miss Selfridges, where she allegedly spent most of her days trying to help her friend steal clothes.

Having already lost her virginity to an older man at the age of 15, (he was a music teacher at a local drama class she attended during her goth phase), Shirley became infatuated with sex in general, flirting through one brief relationship after another. As her horrified father looked on, Shirley stumbled through these early sexual encounters, which in turn led her to music. Listening to music had been a constant feature of her early life - her mother's classic songstress heroines like Nina Simone and Julie London were always playing at home, and Shirley complemented them with her own favorites like Siouxie Banshee and rather oddly, Frank Sinatra. She had even been in several ramshackle bands already, such as the peculiar Autumn 1904, who played bizarre dance music, and she enjoyed a brief flurry in the Wild Indians who even produced a single (which Shirley sang on but was not credited for). However, her sexual desire for the lead singer of a local band, Goodbye Mr Mackenzie, drew her into joining that group, and in so doing provided the launchpad for a chain of events that would eventually introduce Shirley to Garbage.

Martin Metcalfe was the singer who stole Shirley's affections, although this infatuation was as short lived as his fidelity. After quickly jumping in his bed, she realised she was not the sole object of his affections, and broke off the relationship but chose to remain in the band. The pseudo-New Romantic Goodbye Mr Mackenzie went on to gather a small but devoted following and enjoyed some minor chart success. Alongside herself and Metclafe were Fin Wilson on bass, Derek Kelly on drums, Rona and Big john Duncan (latterly Nirvana's guitar technician). Shirley was largely reduced to keyboard duties, filling out GMM's predominantly goth-rock sound. Despite widespread critical indifference, Goodbye Mr Mackenzie gigged hard and constantly, and their efforts were suitably rewarded when Capitol Records signed them after a particularly aggressive performance in London. A series of variable singles followed, starting with the eponymous 'Goodbye Mr Mackenzie' which reached No 62 in the UK singles charts in 1988, quickly followed by their first top 40 hit, 'the Rattler'. This moderate singles success was fueled by the debut album, entitled Good Deads and Dirty Rags, reaching No the UK top 30. The record contained Shirley's only vocal performance for the band, a track called 'Normal Boy'. "I thought rock and roll was the only thing that mattered, and we were the most important thing in the world," she told i-D magazine, "I was very young when we first entered the charts. It was fabulous. I was having fun."

Already, however, there were signs that the band's long-term prospects were not good. After a flopped second album, and very modest ticket sales for their tour, Capitol sold their contract to Radioactive Records in 1990, at which point things really began to fall apart. Relations between GMM and the new label (owned by Blondie's Debbie Harry) were strained from the start, and the members were eventually forced to sign back on the dole. Rona and Big john eventually left the band, leaving the remaining members to rename themselves 'Anglefish', with Shirley on lead vocals, signed to her own record deal. The new incarnation was immediately flown to the USA where they recorded an album at the home studio of Talking Head's Chris Frantz and Tina Weymouth in Connecticut. This eponymous debut long player created a little excitement on the college circuit, but made no substantial dent in the mainstream market. Indeed, one particularly embarrassing incident saw them playing an empty shopping mall, watched by three people and a stray dog, and then being asked afterwards if they could play a birthday party for $50. To add insult to injury, the band themselves were disciplined and infighting was rife, and inevitably, they split up. Their sole public legacy was a single showing of their obscure video for the single 'Suffocate Me', which received a solitary airing on MTV's alternate '120 Minutes' show.